weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
