how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
