Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
