Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
