I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had to cum in my sink.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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