Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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