You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
