he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
