WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
