Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
