RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
