The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
