nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
