We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
