i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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