Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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