I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
