Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
