When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
