Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
