Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
