somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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