it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
