there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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