Do you still have your period?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
