Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is it because I queefed?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
