My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize