theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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