There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
