Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
