Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she told me i tasted like america
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
