took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
