My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm just crazy horny about you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
