just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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