I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
