Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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