i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
