is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
