Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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