the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
