my vag is so smooth its legendary
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
