I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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