just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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