FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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