He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
