this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
