the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
