i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
