I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
