I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
