From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize