I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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