yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
