Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
