I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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