maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
