I wish I only lived at night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
