if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
