true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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