I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
