Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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