yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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