there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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