I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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