Dual....:-)
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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