I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
PANTIES FOUND
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