it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
