this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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