can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
