I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
