brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
